maple's birth, part one

I have been wanting to write the story of Maple's birth, and I'm just now finding some time to record it, as she sleeps next to me with her little fists next to her head. She loves to sleep that way.

Late last week, I started feeling some cramps in my belly that felt like mild menstrual cramps. Those sensations progressed slowly over two or three days until they became more focused, and I started calling them contractions. I was so eager to be in labor, that I kept thinking, "This is it!" But I really didn't feel any pain until the wee hours of Saturday morning.

I woke Sean up at 1:15 on Saturday morning, saying, "Hey honey, I think it's time!" My contractions were about 10 or 15 minutes apart, and I had to breathe deeply during the peaks. We rode out the early contractions together. After a few hours, I paged Stacey, our doula, to ask her if she thought I was in labor and to see what I should do about it. Stacey told us to go back to bed and get some rest -- that the contractions were still mild enough that I might be able to sleep some more.

We went back to bed, and I was able to doze in between contractions. Sean was too excited and distracted to sleep, so he got up and started getting the house ready. He got all of our supplies organized, got the house all cleaned up, and made curry for the birth team. (Sean makes a fabulous Thai style curry and he had decided in advance to make it for the birth.) I stayed in bed for another two hours or so, at which point I paged Stacey again to tell her I could no longer sleep. She suggested I call the midwife, Constance, to see what to do. This was probably around 4am.

Constance returned our page and said that I sounded a little too chipper to be in labor, and that I should take a bath and try to go back to sleep, because I would need my energy for later. We called Stacey back to tell her to get some more sleep.

After a warm bath, I was able to sleep another couple of hours. We called Stacey again around 9am and asked her to come over. She said she'd be there around 10. Constance called a little while later to check on me. She had been planning to go to Wild Waves, a waterslide park, with her kids, and wanted to see if that might still be an option. Actually, she said she wasn't going to go, but we decided that she should come over and check to see if I was dilated at all, and if not, she should proceed with her day. She showed up a short while later to check me, and I wasn't dilated. My cervix was 80% effaced, which means it had thinned almost all the way, but it was still facing the wrong way. (The cervix normally faces forward and downward, but during pregnancy it moves so that it faces a woman's back. They say the cervix is "posterior." Before the baby can be born, the cervix must come forward, and get very thin, then open.) So we sent Constance off to Wild Waves with the understanding that we could ask her to come home whenever we needed her.

Stacey arrived right after that, and we told her the news. She decided she would have time to teach a homebirth class that she'd scheduled for that day from 11 to 4. She left, and I was sort of nervous. Both of my labor support people were unavailable! But I also really trusted Contance and knew that she wouldn't have left town if it wasn't a good idea. And Wild Waves is only about an hour away, so we could get her back pretty quickly.

My labor got stronger and stronger throughout the day, and by early afternoon I was really wishing I hadn't sent Stacey away. I did most of this labor on my hands and knees on the couch, or in the bathtub. Sean was doing chores and making our nest perfect for Maple's arrival. He would check in with me every few minutes to make sure I was okay. I kept taking baths and trying to stay relaxed, but it was becoming harder and harder to skate through the contractions. We finally paged Stacey at 5pm, and she paged Constance, who started heading home from Wild Waves. Stacey arrived around 5:30 and started filling the birth tub. I remember saying to Sean just before she arrived, "I REALLY WANT TO GET IN THE TUB NOW!"

Just as Stacey walked in, I puked into one of the plastic lined cardboard boxes that we'd set up for the birth. (Most women vomit during labor if they don't have any medical pain relief. Puking is actually great in labor because it opens the cervix faster than a bunch of contractions.) Stacey seamlessly integrated herself into our scene, putting a cold washcloth on my forehead and getting me on my knees with my top half draped over a birth ball. (A birth ball is just one of those big air-filled exercise balls.) I rocked my hips back and forth during each contraction and probably made lots of moaning noises. That was one of the great things about laboring at home -- I wasn't at all self-conscious about making noises or doing whatever I needed to do to be comfortable.

I'm not sure which happened first, but soon I got into the big birth tub and Constance arrived. The birth tub made the contractions feel completely bearable. Just when I had started to doubt myself and my choice to birth without drugs, the water melted the contractions into about half their former intensity. It was wonderful. Everything started to feel pretty groovy. The midwife's arrival made me feel totally safe, and I knew I could start to do the real work of opening up to have my baby.

Soon after getting in the tub, I puked again. Normally I am phobic about throwing up, but this was kind of a relief. Stacey was coaxing me to drink lots of Recharge (a natural version of Gatorade), and Sean was right there, rubbing my back and head and saying sweet things that made me feel really special. This is when my memory of everything starts to get very spotty. I know that Deneb and Heather, the assistants, arrived at some point, and my water broke. This was a pretty odd sensation, sort of like peeing but not quite. I didn't realize that a laboring woman's body will continue to make water for the amniotic sac even after it breaks, so I felt water gush out during every contraction.

Everyone started running around getting the medical supplies ready for the birth. Based on my affect, I think everyone thought the baby was coming quickly. Constance hadn't checked my cervix though, and I think I asked her to do that. When she checked me, she found that I was only 4cm! We were all a little surprised by that, but I refused to let it upset me, even as I watched the assistants pack up all the supplies and disappear into the bedroom. I remember thinking, "Well, I can be demoralized and frustrated because I thought I was a lot closer, or I can just keep doing this work and dilate all the way." It was a pretty easy choice.

At this point I will pause the story to say that I am really proud of how I conducted myself during labor. I had promised myself ahead of time that I would not complain about the pain or ask for drugs. (Even though drugs aren't available at a home birth, a lot of women ask anyway.) Having said that, I did think about drugs quite a few times. I remember thinking, "I completely understand why women get the epidural!" But something inside me prevented me from voicing any of that crap. I wanted to be strong for my baby.

People have often asked me why I wanted to give birth naturally at home. When I was pregnant and thought about what kind of birth I wanted to have, I think the main thing I wanted was for Maple and I to be completely clear when she arrived, and not under the influence of anything except labor hormones (which are pretty powerful drugs anyway!). The type of birth I would have was my first big decision as a mother, and I wanted to do the best I could for my daughter. In some way I would be setting an example for her. And I wanted to be drug-free in solidarity with Sean, who has been clean and sober for 15 months. Most of all, I couldn't imagine doing anything to distance Maple from me or vice versa. I wanted to be able to bond with her right away and give her the gift of being alert and clear. If I'd been in the hospital, it would have been really difficult to resist asking for pain relief, since it's so easy to get! I am so glad that I made these decisions, because I will always feel a great sense of peace about how Maple came into the world.

To be continued...