I woke up this morning and the blind spot was still there. Bigger than it was last night, but the same as when I woke up yesterday. My first bout of optic neuritis started a week ago. This is kind of rare; many people's first MS symptom is going half blind.
For the first few days, I was anxious about the relapse getting worse, but it hasn't. I was tired last week, but I don't have any other symptoms now. I think things are stable.
Optic neuritis means that the optic nerve is inflamed. It's pretty common issue with MS, because with MS the immune system attacks the myelin sheath -- the coating on the outside of nerves -- because it wrongly thinks the myelin is some kind of foreign substance. The optic nerve is often compromised in MS patients.
In other words, my immune system is confused.
So what's it like to have optic neuritis? It's like the right half of my right eye isn't working. There's a hole where things disappear when they move into that part of my field of view, and then they reappear on the other side. It's not dark or fuzzy, it's just... not anything. Some people have pain when they move the affected eye, but I don't feel anything.
Having MS for almost eight years has some advantages; even though uncertainty is the hallmark of MS, I am a little better able to deal with the uncertainty after this long. It's still scary and I still panic in some moments, but overall I'm more able to stay calm, accept it, and even take positive action. As soon as this relapse started, I made some changes. My diet has gotten kind of crappy lately, so I immediately started eating more whole foods, fruits and vegetables, and almost no wheat. I focused on alkalizing foods, which are supposed to be easier for your body to digest and keep your system from getting too acidic, which sounds bad but I'm not sure why. I told people at work that I'd be working shorter hours (and I ended up taking two days off when I was particularly tired and worried). I stopped focusing on how clean the house was (which was pretty easy because Sean started cleaning more). I started doing some deep relaxation and visualization stuff.
Since I don't get more hours in the day when I'm sick, I've found that I have to make these changes to take care of myself. It's hard to stay home from work when I feel like I'm sort of up to working (despite not being able to read too well and running into people and walls on my right side). But I have a finite amount of energy -- even less of it when I'm having a relapse. So if I go to work all day, I'll be tired when I get home and I won't have the energy to make good food, which I firmly believe will help my recovery. I won't have the energy to exercise, which is essential for maintaining a positive outlook. Since I can't run right now (I hurt my ankle), I've been working out in the gym every other day for 30-45 minutes. I don't need to see very well to ride a stationary bike.
Yesterday, Maple grabbed my hand when we crossed the street, and it wasn't for her safety.
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